speechless

I am not sure how much this I want to share with the world, but I am going to try my best. This is not my story to tell.

My friend Jan has been my hair stylist/brow waxer/friend for over 10 years. Monday morning her daughter lost her battle with cancer. This was truly a battle. Summer was an cancer ass kicking machine. It was decided about a month or so ago that she would no longer undergo treatment to return home. 

Then a movement started. Summer asked people to partake in Random Acts of Kindness and to Pay It Forward. Then because it is 2014, people from all over the country are sharing stories of their kindness. I am still moved by the power of kindness in others. 

I am wordless on how to react to the passing of a wonderful woman I have never met-I only know her mother. 

After reading post after post on Facebook-from her friends, family, and strangers-a poem popped into my head. If you have seen "In Her Shoes" you are familiar with this poem. If you are an English teacher you are too..or a poetry lover. I am not a lover of poetry, but this one just works. 

i carry your heart
by E.E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautifully you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here in the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
hither than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Jan, I don't know if you will ever read this, and that's okay-words truly cannot express, nor should they be able to express, how much good there is in the world because of Summer. 

Readers, find a way to be kind to a stranger (and those you love) each day. 

Pie!

PS Changing the focus of my blog again. Let's try making it all about food and my adventures in the kitchen...which I may have tried before, but I can't remember. 

So this morning I went strawberry picking with my friend at Spencer Farms in Noblesville. I highly recommend this farm. This was my first picking experience, but it was great. No bees. I was super worried about bees. This week marks the end of the season so we got there just in time. I of course enjoyed eating several while we picked. They were so good. I don't remember eating strawberries this good. I don't know if I can go back to the stuff sold in stores.


There were still some (by some I mean a lot) of good berries left. 

Here is my half of the stash. We picked around 7 pounds! 

Simply gorgeous.

So now I have three pounds of strawberries that need to be consumed quickly..oh darn. 

Tonight I made a pie (I am including the super easy recipe), then I am going to make strawberry ice cream tomorrow. I will also share that recipe later in the week. 


The original name for the recipe is "The Perfect Spring Pie."  I don't like that name, so I am going to call it "Strawberry Rhubarb Pie." I know it's very original. 


Strawberry Rhubarb Pie

Preheat the oven to 375 
Line a rimmed baking sheet/jelly roll with foil. Trust me don't skip this step!

Ingredients: 
2.5 cups AP flour, divided
1/3 cup granulated sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar, divided
2 tsp. grated lemon zest
1 tsp. cinnamon, divided
5-6 cups, strawberries, halved 
2 cups rhubarb, cut into bite size pieces
Pie dough-I used one roll of the store bought stuff
3/4 cup butter, melted

1. In a large bowl combine: 

• 1/2 cup flour
• granulated sugar
• 1/3 cup brown sugar
• lemon zest
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon 
• I give these dry ingredients a stir to combine them. 

2. Mix in the strawberries and rhubarb to the flour/sugar mixture. Let it sit and stir occasionally while preparing the pan.  They should start to release their juices, and just look really really good. :) 

3. Fit dough to 9" pie pan. (Lightly flour service and roll out dough to fit if needed.) Flute edges if desired. I don't have time to flute edges, plus I am not very good at it.

4. Spoon filling into the crust. Scrape all that good syrupy stuff from the bowl and get it in there too. 

5. MAKE SURE YOU PUT THE PIE ON THE BAKING SHEET!!! Bake for 50-60 minutes until bubbling and hot. (when I checked my pie I did a Mr. Burns evil "Excellent" laugh) 

6. Meanwhile, in a bowl, the remaining flour, brown sugar, cinnamon and melted butter together with a fork and form large/media crumbs. 

7. Remove pie from oven when it's ready, then place the crumbs on top of the hot pie leaving 1/2 inch boarder between crumbs and crust. Put back in the oven and cook for 30 more minutes, or until crumbs are golden brown. 

8. Cool on rack. Serve warm or at room temperature. Top with ice cream, or whipping cream (my grandmother's personal favorite) if desired. 


Here is my finished project! I am going to go ahead and hashtag this as #foodboner 

Enjoy friends! This was a super easy recipe!

Updates Perhaps?

The commitment of a blog is clearly just too much for me to handle-I'm clearly finding having two is overwhelming. ;) But here I am for my quarterly check in on the blog. This year has been CRAZY! As I get older, I apparently become busier and busier. 

Mom's Cancer: So it's gone. (end of update)....Just kidding. Things I learned from this time around: people get very uncomfortable with cancer jokes. Mom had a long recovery, well I felt like it was a long recovery, but is doing well. Her fake boobies are finally here. And because my family is who we are pictures were sent out of her new inserts. They look great! According to Kim they feel real-I just want to take them and slap someone with them. (is that crossing a line? I really have a sick sense of humor)

Other Boob News: I survived my first mammogram. I leave the details out, but it's safe to say that I made awkward jokes. Oh, and I'm cancer clear. Mammogram: 0 Juli: 1. I'll see you in April mammogram. 

Work: I'm exhausted. Not like abandon ship exhausted, just exhausted. I have decided that I need to make it a priority to stop working each day. Some days are easier to do that than others. It has been hard to accepted that I can't get everything done for work each day and still be a sane person. 

New News: 
- I applied to grad school. Fingers crossed. I will know in December if I got in to the program. 
- I started playing the cello again. Every Sunday in a community orchestra. Muscle memory is fantastic. Our first concert was yesterday-we were pretty awesome. 
- I hired a personal trainer. Yup-paying someone to kick my ass two days a week is already paying off. I am loving it. Weights with the trainer two days a week, and cardio four days a week-30 minutes to myself has been just what I needed. 
- It's Thanksgiving so that means it's time for me to make my menu for the Big Day. LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR!!!

xoxo
(Maybe I will blog again in another 6 months, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.) 

New Blog

I started my photography blog.  You can check it out here: http://julesmarie-photography.blogspot.com

Enjoy

Surgery Day

“And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13

Someone posted this on my mom’s facebook wall. I find it very fitting for today. I am humbled by everyone’s love, positive thoughts, prayers, and words of encouragement for Mom and for us as a family. Before I get to a recap of today, I want to thank everyone-it brings me tears of joy (seriously yes I cried J) to know how many of you care and have been praying/sending positive thoughts our way.  

Today was/is surgery day. I hate hospitals. I realize that a lot of people hate hospitals. They just smell so blah. Hospitals should pipe in some of that scented air they have in Vegas Casinos-not the whole place just the doorways that you walk in-how comforting would that be.

Before surgery we were all crammed into a small “prep-op room.” Per usual we were having a good time laughing. Not all of the nurses enjoyed our sense of humor. Here are some photos of my ridiculous nature on the wheely stool that was in her room.

I had a good time “creeping” on people in the hallway.

I also had a good time entertaining with this one. I call it my “nooo don’t take me back there!” others referred to that photos as the “shhh you can’t see me hiding in the corner.” Regardless we had a fun time waiting to go back. Well as fun as 5 adults can have crammed in a small room waiting for your mom/husband/daughter to have a breast amputation.

Before Mom’s surgery she had to go through Nuclear procedure to see if the cancer had spread to her nodes. I’m not really sure what any of that meant but it would affect what needs to happen after surgery (i.e. chemo). Well there were several “Hulk” jokes begin made, and then I kinda hoped her breast would begin to glow a blue color so we knew it was working. We were all sadly disappointed.

I kept my queasy under control until it was time to put in the IV. I stepped out briefly for this.

We said our tearful good byes (positive but still tearful) to her, and well her breasts. In that moment it hit us that it was really happening. There is a certain feeling of denial until she was getting up to walk into surgery.

Surgery took about two and a half hours. The waiting room had a like “ticker” of updates so you could track what stage of surgery she was in-and there were symbols and a little key. It was pretty neat. At one point all four us were working on the crossword puzzle. That’s dad “thinking” face J

We didn’t finish it-or we couldn’t I can’t remember. We got stuck on one of the last clues, but by that time Mom was ready to roll out.

Mom is currently on the 6^th floor-can’t remember the room number. When I first saw mom she looked at me (still very drugged) and said “Hey, baby” I know that she was in the best care, but it was the most comforting part of my day. I’m sure she won’t remember it, but that’s okay.

She looks great. A little flatter, but great. We won’t know anything official for about a week. Mom should be heading home tomorrow. Doesn’t that boggle your mind? I will leave you all with the face that I greeted Mom with once she was settled in her room. It may be a little crazy, but the look is pure me J  

cancer-is that an awkward title

I’m not really sure how to start this point. It’s awkward just putting it out there-like I have said it aloud several times, but typing it out makes me feel like my clothes don’t fit right.

Just in case you haven’t heard, my mother (calling her “mother” makes her sound a lot older than she really is J) found out that she has breast cancer again. Was that awkward for you? Because it was for me…but I’m awkward and ridiculous.

When I was in seventh grade mom was diagnosed, had her first chemo on my birthday, and then shaved her head at my birthday party. I guess at that point it wasn’t my birthday party anymore. I remember no one would shave her head except for Jenny. Then that’s about all I remember until I went to a radiation treatment with her.

Is it weird that I don’t remember? That year of my life is blocked from my memory. I’m okay with that-I know I lashed out at people unnecessarily, but hey I was in seventh grade and my mom had cancer. So here we are 15 years later, I’m older, my sister is older so hopefully I won’t block this year from my memory.

I also made the decision to be more aware this time, and not shut down-I think I’m too old for that. J 

So Mom is getting a double mastectomy. I mean at this point what is the other option? I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around the concept that when she looks down there will be no boobs to see, not having to put on a bra every day, and just the fact that something that has been puberty will no longer be present.

Mom wrote a list of “perks” I have my own “perks” and questions to add that are way more ridiculous, but they are thoughts I have had:

·        Will she experience phantom boob? Or phantom nipples when it is cold? Seriously though I feel like someone should do a study. The government will fund anything.

·        No more underboob sweat-ladies you know what I’m talking about. It’s so gross and awkward.

·        Get different size prosthetics. Brings accessorizing to a whole new level.

One thing that is truly amazing about my mom is how positive she is-and I mean yes I know it’s better than drowning in sorrow. But if my options are laugh or cry I choose laugh. I’m not a pretty crier. One thing Dad, Mom, Kim, and I do well is laugh. We make sick jokes that make people look at us weird, but we laugh. 

It still sucks. My mom still has cancer. 

is that awkward.? sorry i don't know where to take this entry now.... 

Updates

An update on my 2013 goals: 

~read 50 books: well I am currently reading about 5, and haven't finished any...
Currently I am reading: 

• "Gone Girl"
• "Dead Until Dark"
• "Tough Shit"
• and two others that I can't remember the titles of lol

~start shlumping again: progress! Yesterday I restarted couch to 5 day, and managed almost 2 miles in 30 minutes. I guess I wasn't as out of shape as I thought. :) My friend Lizer and I are keeping each other in check with the gym-she even offers to chase me in her car while I shlump..she doesn't understand running for no reason, and truthfully I don't get it either. 

~take a photography class: I have signed up for Beginner Digital Photography that starts 1/22. I am very excited about it. 

~start a blog about said photography adventures: there hasn't really been anything to say about it all yet. 

~look for a master's program, and possibly start applying: no progress here, this may be a summer item.