I’m not really sure how to
start this point. It’s awkward just putting it out there-like I have said it
aloud several times, but typing it out makes me feel like my clothes don’t fit
right.
Just in case you haven’t
heard, my mother (calling her “mother” makes her sound a lot older than she
really is J) found out that she has breast cancer again. Was that
awkward for you? Because it was for me…but I’m awkward and ridiculous.
When I was in seventh grade
mom was diagnosed, had her first chemo on my birthday, and then shaved her head
at my birthday party. I guess at that point it wasn’t my birthday party
anymore. I remember no one would shave her head except for Jenny. Then that’s
about all I remember until I went to a radiation treatment with her.
Is it weird that I don’t
remember? That year of my life is blocked from my memory. I’m okay with that-I know
I lashed out at people unnecessarily, but hey I was in seventh grade and my mom
had cancer. So here we are 15 years later, I’m older, my sister is older so
hopefully I won’t block this year from my memory.
I also made the decision to
be more aware this time, and not shut down-I think I’m too old for that. J
So Mom is getting a double mastectomy.
I mean at this point what is the other option? I’m having a hard time wrapping
my brain around the concept that when she looks down there will be no boobs to
see, not having to put on a bra every day, and just the fact that something
that has been puberty will no longer be present.
Mom wrote a list of “perks” I
have my own “perks” and questions to add that are way more ridiculous, but they
are thoughts I have had:
·
Will she experience phantom
boob? Or phantom nipples when it is cold? Seriously though I feel like someone
should do a study. The government will fund anything.
·
No more underboob
sweat-ladies you know what I’m talking about. It’s so gross and awkward.
·
Get different size prosthetics.
Brings accessorizing to a whole new level.
One thing that is truly
amazing about my mom is how positive she is-and I mean yes I know it’s better
than drowning in sorrow. But if my options are laugh or cry I choose laugh. I’m
not a pretty crier. One thing Dad, Mom, Kim, and I do well is laugh. We make sick jokes that make people look at us weird, but we laugh.
It still sucks. My mom still
has cancer.
is that awkward.? sorry i don't know where to take this entry now....